Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
