What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
