Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
