i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
