Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
