Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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