i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
