Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
