First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
