fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
