then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
