Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
