i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize