Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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