Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
