oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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