Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
