So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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