there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
