if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
