You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
