I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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