So gin and wine won't be happening again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
