Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
