He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
