so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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