this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
