just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
