I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
