And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
