Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
