There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
