Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
