How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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