You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
