I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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