I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
