You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
