I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
