Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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