i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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