Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
