i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
