sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
