i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
