I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
