I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
