Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
