Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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