we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
