Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize