i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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