Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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