who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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