tell your sister to shave her snatch
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
