put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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