Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
