Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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