I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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