my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize