Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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