The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize