You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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