Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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