thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
