Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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