So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
