my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
