we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
