How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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