I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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