how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
