It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
