I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize