What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
