There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize