Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
