Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize