I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
