remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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