I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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