just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
