He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize