I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
